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Looking back and looking ahead
Some thoughts on the year that's about to end
Hello, dear reader, and welcome to the final installment of this year.
I was talking to a friend and told her I am writing the next dispatch. And she said she is slowly reading the previous one. I told her that I write slowly as well. So a motto was born - I do slow writing for slow reading.
I thought that I won’t write it to be honest, as usually any materials dedicated to the end of the year are more or less about bright achievements and I did not feel like writing a list of my accomplishments. Not because I did not have any. But because this year was a roller coaster from a badly written horror movie. So at the end of the year I arrived with the weirdest combination of emotions.
I am in another country, but we managed to assemble from Serbia, UK and Turkey to meet upcoming year together with my friends - a part of our usual gang. We are warm, cozy, it smells nicely from all the cooking, we have fireplace video on TV. But I am very much aware that many people don’t have such luxury right at that same moment. It makes me very sad and angry. I hope that 2023 will bring many people safety and peace.
It is the 4th year that I do “1 second every day movie”, and seemingly this year’s video is nice and sweet. But I watch it and I know exactly how I felt. I thought about abandoning it many times this year. I am glad that I persisted. Because it shows how life as a whole is made of small mundanities and snippets. I will leave a LINK for you, most probably it won’t be very entertaining to watch if you don’t know me personally. But believe me, it is amazing mental and spiritual practice. I will also link a TED talk of a guy who came up with this idea. So you can watch it and decide for yourself. Rules are very each to be honest - you just film a small snippet of a video every day and then you make a video out of it. Of course, you will inevitably miss out some days, but it is okay. Even with missed days looking back at your year in these tiny moments is precious.
Next year I plan on re-starting my channel on YouTube. Continue with these writings and also keep on hosting Discord sketch club assemblies. I also want to read more and go on with my paintings and illustrations. I hope to see my parents. And to reunite with our dog. I hope to have better news more often. I want to be gentle to myself and others. I commit to do yoga more frequently. I will keep being aware of what’s going on in the world. I vow to create beauty and light against darkness.
When I was moving to the village, I was asking myself - will I be bored or feel lonely? For now, I can only tell that sometimes I want to shout out - why am I so busy all the time? It is surprising to me that we have so much to do here. Social acts, meetings, clubs, hikes, walks, swims, etc. I really pray that in 2023 I will be able to enjoy all that more deeply and with less dread. Like is complicated af, right?
My writings are a bit scattered in this letter, I am sorry for that.
This year I thank all the people I talked with, made art with, worked with, created something beautiful to oppose to the horrorful.
Updates of watching and reading processes:
Watching: Pixar’s Inside out with Lucas (my 6yo son) and having the profoundest talks after with tears (his and almost mine), pain and sorrow about the life we have left and how we miss it, what we miss and whom we miss. I thought that I am doing fine, but while talking with my son, I realize how much I actually suppress and keep under control. So I guess that we both help each other - I contain him, and he gives me space to grieve.
Reading: The room of one’s own by Virginia Woolf. Very complicated read, I was very angry with the style of her writing in the beginning, but after a few pages started to see a bit through it. And realize why it was an important piece of writing for humanity and for women and girls.
Here is my Substack and you can subscribe
Here is my Discord server where I host my sketchclub and chat on art and life
Here is my YouTube Channel
And here is my website which will be updated soon with my latest works
I send you my love and gratitude for reading me and making me keep hope for us all,
best wishes for the upcoming 2023,