Hola, dear reader,
Thank you for reading my life story. These two pieces (part one, part two) were long, but I feel that they were necessary. I felt the need to write it all down and then cast a glance over the whole thing. Publishing was also an essential act. Of course, I couldn’t spill out everything—it would just be endless. I tried to map out pivotal moments of my life, to explore what made me me, to thank the universe for the privileges I was given, and to thank myself for how I was able to navigate disadvantages.
I don’t know about you, but learning about other people’s lives brings me so much awe. Lives are complicated, weird, non-linear, and imperfect. Full of mistakes and unexpected U-turns. Maybe this is why social media is so popular? Because we are wired to be interested in other people. Then comes the algorithm and money-making. Which maybe is not the worst thing—the option to make money with what one writes—because everybody needs means to live, right? I don’t know. I understand why we desperately need those success stories, which can be proof that we can make it too. I try to make sense of my life by exploring the lives of others, for sure. I try to use less social media, though.
My thing is the genre of autofiction and memoir now, and collections of diaries and letters. They are slower-paced, and they are not about cliffhangers that hook me into becoming addicted. In this dispatch, I would love to share my all-time favorites, share plans of what I want to read, and also ask for your recommendations. Reading is not about rushing, and that is my favorite thing about it. I refuse to accelerate. I don’t listen to anything at 1.5 or 2x speed. Consider it my rebellion against the hustle.
My Favorites
For each book, I attach a link to the Goodreads page so you can get an idea of what the book is about. I would rather write about my perception of it than a full synopsis.
The Women I Think About at Night: Traveling the Paths of My Heroes
Mia Kankimäki
This is my most recent read. The idea that Night Women are the women the author thinks about when she tries to figure out her life speaks to me greatly. I also felt so clearly that this book is not written from an American or British perspective, and it was so refreshing. Mia is a Finn, and I dearly love and miss Finland, and I have Finnish friends. It is not that native English-speaking autofiction books are bad, it is just a certain canon. And it is refreshing to read something you know you would love but written in an unusual modality. I also loved how Mia reflected on the legacy of Karen Blixen; having this knowledge, I now want to read Karen’s books myself.
Thanks to this book, I have a postcard with a painting from Artemisia Gentileschi at my table: Judith with the Head of Holofernes. It is a reminder for me to go strong through all the darkest hours.
The Outrun: A Memoir
Amy Liptrot
What can I say about this one? It is my absolute favorite. I read this book while I still lived in Moscow and dreamt of getting away from the big city, but it was not an option back then. This book also gave me my first very serious thoughts about going sober and stopping the consumption of alcohol. I wrote about my experience in an older dispatch.
There is a movie with Saoirse Ronan, about a woman filmed by a woman; I am looking forward to seeing it. It was mostly at festivals, but I hope it will go to the big screens and streaming platforms soon.
So if you choose any book from my list, choose this one.
The Book of Eels: Our Enduring Fascination with the Most Mysterious Creature in the Natural World
Patrik Svensson
Let’s say that I knew nothing about eels except that I love sushi and rolls with eels. This book is written by a man about his relationship with his father and, well… about eels. I absolutely love when a personal story gets woven into the story of the natural world, especially if the person’s interest is as obscure as an eel. It is not some fancy birdwatching, mind you. It is also very precious for me to read an emotional reflection from a male perspective. Of course, in the old days only men were able to write and ponder, but now it feels more like a woman's thing. I am glad to discover these gems that are not male-gazing or mansplaining but rather vulnerable.
And again, the guy is Swedish, which also adds to my yes.
Oaxaca Journal
Oliver Sacks
Most people know Oliver Sacks as a neurologist, scientist, and author of books about mental health, and many people have maybe at least heard the title The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales. Somehow I got knowledge that he also penned a travelogue of his ten-day trip with the American Fern Society to Oaxaca, Mexico, in 2000. I love ferns, but I did not know much about them either. So Oliver’s observations were very interesting to read; I also love how he mixed descriptions of trip details, Fern Society members, locals, and, well, ferns.
While preparing this letter, I learned that he had an autobiography that was published right before his death, and that, except for ferns, his passions were swimming and powerlifting. It makes me want to add this book to my to-read pile immediately. It is called On the Move: A Life.
Birds Art Life: A Year of Observation
Kyo Maclear
The next two books sit very close to my favorite, The Outrun. I read the three almost one by one when I was in search of books that might give me the feeling I had while reading Amy Liptrot’s book. It was a time when I realized that I love this type of book—personal reflection on a certain humanitarian topic or research plus nature observation. It makes me tingle. Also, all three of them were published by one of my favorite publishing houses in Russia, so I was just browsing their memoir portfolio.
Kyo Maclear gave me the idea that to birdwatch, you don’t need a huge camera or to go to the jungle. It was also a time when I started to feed great tits and blue tits in winter, my first winter in Moscow with a bird feeder on my window. I realized that of course I would love to see some “lifers” and unusual guests, but what a surprise—I can watch the same tits every day and still find them amusing.
She also wrote about her father being very sick and the struggle that goes along with it. And the anxiety that one has when something like that happens.
The Way Through the Woods: Of Mushrooms and Mourning
Long Litt Woon
To be honest, I was a bit hesitant to go into this one because as much as I love mushroom picking, the other “human” part of this book was about Long Litt Woon unexpectedly losing her husband. He just went to work and died. Nothing prepares you for this. And it is very scary to even think about an option that something that bad can happen to you. Even writing this is scary; I rewrote the previous sentence a few times. Ok, I am almost 40; I am not in denial about death happening. But still, it is not easy.
It was my first book on death; I read some more later and have more to read. In the end, I suppose reading personal reflections on death makes me value my life, and every precious day that I spend with people I love.
Letters from Tove
Tove Jansson
I am still in the process of reading this one, but it is a compendium of letters. And it is thick. So it is fitting to read them bit by bit. I also got separated from it for some time due to our immigration process. Tove is one of my favorite artistic persons. I grew up on Moomins, I love her Scandinavian perspective and humor. I love that she ran away from the world to a house on a tiny island with the love of her life. She also explored many creative fields—illustrations, comics, theatre, writing. She embodies an artist to me. Everything went through her artistic prism.
The Choice: Embrace the Possible
Edith Eger
I read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning when Lukas was born, and I was walking with a stroller in the park and crying over the horrors, over the enormous disaster of so many lives taken. I read Edith’s The Choice after Russia invaded Ukraine, and then I cried and cried more.
Needless to say, it was an absolutely different experience to read Edith and how she survived the Holocaust because she is a woman, and Viktor is a man. Edith was a sweet, gentle teen when she entered the camp, while Viktor was already an adult and an established doctor. Edith still lives. She got an education, a career, a family; she succeeded in life by any standards. Her writing changed and challenged me on many levels. It is an enourmos honor for me that I had a chance to art direct a cover for one of Russian editions.
The Glass Castle
Jeannette Walls
This one is more of a classic memoir type of book, which I enjoyed before discovering more autofiction and reflective types of books. I read it quite a long time ago, but when making this list, I couldn’t omit it. I remember vividly how I read it when I visited Cuba for the first time to meet my husband’s family. Cubans live in harsh conditions; the tourist beach is very different from day-to-day life. It was a revelatory experience. As was reading this book about the author’s experience of living in a dysfunctional family in the US (which nowadays might even look enticing and good on social media). Any book on a dysfunctional family and abuse would be quite hard to read, of course. This book brought me the idea that we never actually know what battles are fought by the person who stands in front of you. It may feel like an old idea, but back then it felt revelatory.
Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times
Katherine May
Wintering brought me the idea that I don’t need to be at the same speed all year round. I love the idea of the circle and being attuned to the natural weather changes. I don’t have to be productive during the dark and cold Russian winter. I guess in Turkey I learned that I don’t need to be productive in the summer when it is above +40°C outside.
I loved how Katherine connected wintering not only to the weather but also to the low seasons of the soul. Sometimes you just need to hibernate, be still, and go idle. To go through a personal winter.
I wanted to tell a bit about each book that I want to read aroud this genre. But then realised that it will be too long. I leave you with just list. And I would gladly accept your recommendations in the comments.
Want to Read
Tove Jansson: Work and Love Tuula Karjalainen Goodreads Link
The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone Olivia Laing Goodreads Link
The Garden Against Time: In Search of a Common Paradise Olivia Laing Goodreads Link
Unearthing: A Story of Tangled Love and Family Secrets Kyo Maclear Goodreads Link
The Backyard Bird Chronicles Amy Tan Goodreads Link
Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget Sarah Hepola Goodreads Link
H is for Hawk Helen Macdonald Goodreads Link
Best of stories abd best of books to you,
Vera