Following one’s own advices is so damn hard

How often do we really take care of ourselves?

Hello, dear reader,

thank you for still being here ready for my new dispatch.

How often do you give others advice like - you better rest, take your time, no need to push that hard? And how often do you fail to follow the same advice which you may as well give to yourself? I don’t know about you, but I did it pretty often before. Supporting and cheering and comforting others, but somehow being harsh to myself.

This last week made me to follow my own advice in a bold way. Ariel (my partner) left the village for a business trip and I was into solo-parenting rollercoaster. Right from the beginning I was thinking to myself — nah, Vera, let’s be realistic and don’t plan anything heroic, shall we?

Yes, yes, of course, say I, but I knew immediately that secretly I was hoping to be that annoying person who announces — I will spend this time easy, no plans whatsoever — but ends up with amazing results which were done despite low energy and that can be beautifully showcased on social media.

So Monday starts and I am pretty chill but full of this itching desire to be productive. I start — as a proper productive person — with an attempt of The Great Cleaning. And somewhere between sweeping floors and changing bedsheets my back is yok (yok is the best Turkish word that basically means “no more”). Like when you come to the market too late to grab the fresh strawberries. Strawberries yok.

I didn’t lift any heavy objects. Didn’t do anything extraordinary. I just bent over to move an empty water bottle and felt a pang of sharp pain. For the next days I had to omit all the bending, to move as little as possible, no walks, nothing. It was even painful to turn from one side to another while I was falling asleep.

(find Lukas at the picture)

It was real bare minimum. No secret hopes of being smart ass productive. Just survive with a stomping 6yo who wants all the attention. Like real one. Do you know how 6yo do it? They just need to talk into you non-stop until you bloat, never wanting actual answers, but not letting you slack. You have to really listen. Lukas is into Minecraft now and audio books, so I was forced to listen his roleplaying and ideas. He only wants his thing, any suggestions are taken very reluctantly. But then he does not allow me to use my smartphone so I can numb my brain. As I said, you really have to keep up with storytelling.

Luckily I picked up a new hobby recently which is knitting. I was never that person, but apparently now I am. I go to the weekly knit club in the village and usually everybody was doing their thing knitting or crocheting, and I was embroidering. But after a terrible earthquake hit Turkiye, it was decided that we all will knit little squares which will be connected into the blankets and will be passed to the victims of the earthquakes. Lots of them take refuge in our province now. So I learnt how to knit the basic, and I really love it because it lessens anxiety in general, allows me to endure Lukas’ storytelling, and as a bonus I cannot stare into my smartphone while I knit.

Sometimes life becomes overwhelming, and knitting line by line brings me peace. I play with the idea to take on some real knitting project. Like cardigan, for example, our knitting club leader is willing to help me and teach different types of patterns. So it is very tempting.

But back to my back (pun intended!), you won’t believe me when I tell you when it went away. When Ariel arrived back home thousand of facepalms here. Can you believe it? Did my brain decided to just bench me for a week so I won’t overdo myself? Ok, part of the truth is also in me not doing enough exercises lately. But I love a sprinkle of magic here.

So my biggest outcome of all that is - follow your own advice and just really chill and relax when circumstances tell you so. There is no good in trying to trick yourself.

I talked about it in my video which I posted on Monday and it was the only scheduled thing that I did.

(video I did on that this week)

It was really nice (despite pain) to ease up all expectations. I think that I will try to do it sometimes, hopefully without pain.

By the end of the dispatch, I wanted to share with you some happy news in the village. My mom will come visit us soon. It fills me up with such happiness and joy. My mom is a very close person to me with whom I share a lot of trust, vulnerability and love of books. I don’t think that there was time when we didn’t see each other for so long, even in pandemic times.

see you in the next one, love,

Vera

What did I enjoy lately?

• Last week while I had my backpain I discovered Shadow and Bone series on Netflix, and I was unexpectedly swooped away. I started watching it at the day of season 2 release, so I found myself with a chunky piece of story to devour. I am a book nerd, so of course I knew that there is this Shadow and bone trilogy, but reviews were kinda meh for it. And then everybody was talking the Six of Crows. And after I became a publishing house employee, I learnt that publishers dreamt of discovering the second Harry Potter before, but now they pursue the second Leigh Bardugo. But I was never convinced enough to read those books.
  And I know that some fans were furious about adaptation. But fans always are furious about something. As for me, I completely fell in love with the cast and the lore. It was the wildest ride of cringe and joy for me. As the author’s use of some Russian words (and mistakes) is as cute as it is ridiculous. Netflix made me want to read the books. Which I will do, Sobachka.

  (I always wonder, with so many Russian immigrants in the US, why the hell nobody ever invites a person with actual knowledge of the language for consultation for books and movies)

  Also there were news that Leigh Bardugo closed on a pretty juicy contract with a publisher for a lot of money and 12 books. I wonder what books will these be. As I understand she is done with the Grishaverse. I am very curious.

• I love You are a storyteller podcast, as you can see from their modest view numbers, it is pretty nerdy thing. Very underrated if you ask me. This particular episode is golden.

“Rules change in the Land of the Dead”

• Louise Stigell latest takes on abstract painting and on writing. So chonky and so wise. The first one is free to read, the second is for paid subsribers only if I am not mistaken. Hers is the first Substack that I signed up for paid membership. Don’t regret it. I plan on including most of practices she talks about into my writing routine.

How to write like an abstract painter

How to find your (writing) voice