I hope my dispatch brings you something interesting to think and talk about.
Last week sucked me into an unexpected tornado of deeds. I am very happy to announce that we got our residency cards, and we also moved to a more permanent house. Now is the time to settle down, to nest, to prepare for the end of the year. So many interesting changes are brewing; I will share them with you when the time comes.
Here is my first (of hopefully many) very Spain-ful vlog (you are welcome to subscribe)
We talked with Ariel about the goals lately. Ariel is my partner, and we love to have those long philosophical talks sometimes. So, this time we talked about accepting where we are now and how impossible it seemed not such a long time ago. We really did all this. I feel shy to congratulate myself, but this is what I should be doing. This is what Ariel should be doing. We should be celebrating me, him, us, our journey.
Isn’t it interesting how, on the one hand, setting a big goal is a necessity, but on the other, it is something that might just paralyze us? I think that looking far into the future is as important as being in the moment. They are like those yin-yang things; I don’t really see how I can always be in the moment. Sometimes it is equally important to not be in the moment and be in the future, fantasizing, making crazy plans, this dream big mode. And then, one cannot always be in those far-away plans because there comes a time to get one’s hands dirty with actual doing.
I love making plans, and I love the process of doing. I was notoriously bad at reflecting and seeing my worth and celebrating my accomplishments. This is how I was raised, I suppose, by the culture I happen to be born into. A person is supposed to excel; it is very matter-of-factly. It is not modest to be praised or, God forbid, praise oneself; it is a way to feel too proud and visible. I had this strong feeling that my success was due to my good luck and that something happened by itself.
Now it seems weird. Nothing happens by itself. Yes, luck is a real deal, but one should be open to receive. So now I am trying to be aware of my way of thinking and remind myself that it was me who was a doer here, an actor, an enabler. I am the one who dreams something big and then the one who makes a list of things to be done to move towards the goal.
If you ever struggled with it, my hope is that now you feel less alone and find something to celebrate (and join me celebrating).
See you in the next one,
Vera
What did I enjoy this week?
This Substack piece of writing on awe. I feel awe quite often, I pause and I let this feeling to go through me. I loved this writing because it speaks of a bit different perception of awe. And I would love to excessive it and pay attention to it at some point.
This conversation on yearning and death at On being podcast with Nick Cave. I dearly love his music, his creative journey and also his newsletter the Red Hand Files, where he answers various letters from his fans.
I felt that Nick kind of cringed when he was asked about different quotes from his writing. But maybe it is just me. I guess sometimes it is hard to describe why you created what you created. Especially if it is based on something painful and visceral. But maybe it was just me. I am glad that I listened to this conversation and that I heard Nick’s take on yearning and how grief changes a person.
As a gift for myself to celebrate the residency card, I bought a book. This is my way of self love. I buy books to celebrate important steps of my life.
So we went to the bookstore in Reus and I got “Madrina Muerte” by Sally Nicholls with illustrations from Julia Sarda. I have two books with her illustrations back at home. So I hope to have the collection at some point. Originally the book is titled Godfather Death, but in Spanish death is feminine, la Muerte, so the title was adapted. What is death’s gender in your language? I mean often death is a skeleton and it looks the same whatever gender. But oh well. Language is interesting tool. I cannot wait to go to study Spanish (the plan is to begin in January).