Anniversaries and reflections

We live in Turkey for half a year now, but I am in Moscow now

Hello, my dear reader,

surprisingly for myself I write this from the bedroom in our Moscow apartments. I found solace here, because Lucas (my 6yo son) invited his bestie and even if they have Lucas’ room to trash and romp, they of course need living room as well. Kids are like cats and liquids - they occupy all the space.

We are in Moscow

So aren’t you surprised a bit with the subtitle of my letter? Yes, we are in Moscow to run errands. And it is multitude of feelings.

I love our apartment, I love the forest. I love the fact that I was able to hug 2 of my close friends yesterday upon arrival and also my mom and my mom-in-law. Something in me shouts that we can live this live sharing our time between Moscow and Turunc. But I know that we make choices which challenge us and bring perspective and hope. And I also know that I need to gently hold this weeping inner kid in me that gives zero fucks about responsibility and decision making. And just wants simple stuff.

Some things just need closure. Our departure in the end of previous year was pretty hectic and unreflected and almost too much to perceive.

This year Lucas graduates from daycare and has a prom at his daycare. It was a date which gave us a time mark to plan this visit. I thought that it would be great if he has a chance to properly finish this period of his life. In Russia kids go to the daycare for 3 or 4 years, and at the age of 6 or 7 it is actually half of life. So ceremonially speaking, it is darn important to celebrate ending of this period. Some kids will go to his school, some kids won’t, some of them will move, we moved, so there are high chances he won’t see most part of his group never in his life.

While we are here, I also will be able to host a closing sketch club before it goes on summer dormant mode. I am beyond thankful to the core members of the club who managed weekly meetings without me for half a year. And one of those core members hosted sessions instead of me. But I am glad that it will be me who will seal the club for the summer break. As in summer it is better to spend weekends in the nature then in the dusty semi dark room which is so cozy in the other times of the year. Pigeon Nest art club is also such an important project for me. It is not even project anymore, it is ongoing lively community that has both offline and online types of gatherings. I cannot really believe that this passion creation of mine will be 4 years old this Autumn.

Half a year anniversary

Mid May was our half a year anniversary in Turkey

To celebrate it, I published a vlog on my YouTube channel, you are welcome to take a look at a lovely village that became our second home. I know that many of you lovely people who read me, already are subscribed to my YouTube. But if you are new here, I would love to invite you to do so, if it is ok for you. YouTube together with this e-mail dispatch are my favourite internet things that I do. And I don’t plan to stop. At least 5 more videos are on different stage of production and the back log is long.

But I am digressing, back to Turkey. I never actually imagined that I will have this experience to begin with. The reasons why we ended up in the village are just unspeakable. And again it shows again that life is far from linear and that good and bad comes in unimaginable ways. And losing something follows getting something, and then it goes in circle. I met absolutely wonderful Russian, Ukrainian, Turkish, British and Dutch people during our time in Turkey. Talking to people and exchanging life experience work like magic to me.

Embracing magic

While I always felt drawn to everything mysterious and magical, I am kinda too cynical and grounded and realistic to go completely esoteric. But magic never left my thoughts, I was wondering how can I describe magic to myself? I have some idea now. I hope it won’t sound too wo-woo for you. But I will try to put it to words. I thought that I do feel like a witch, with some secret magic. But also with all the tech gear and science. And this magic is no other thing, but my ability to see the world as a complex living thing with no easy answers and with a lot of complexities. I would dream of a simpler life, but the magic for me is acceptance that it is not happening. It is easier to be lured into this mirage of a perfect world, but all the mindfulness researches tell it may lead to further disappointment. So it seems that finally I can find words to describe how I feel. For me practicing magic and being a witch means leaning into the world - both pains and joys - and not breaking from this connection.

I hope to think and write more about it. So if you have something to add up to this, I will gladly listen. Again, it is connection that spread the magic, right?

Being in Moscow enriched me again, I am able to see deeper and stay grounded.

Soon we will be back to the village and I will work on new videos, and other projects. For now I leave you with chunky inspirational stuff which you may find below and which fueled me over the last month.

If you like what I write - send it to your friends and force them to subscribe (just kidding, no forcing). But send anyways:)

Hope you are safe and curious wherever you are,

Vera

Inspiring things I would love you to enjoy too:

Reading:

• I finished The Secret History by Donna Tartt and it was a treat, I swear. Her writing is so precise and so delicate and so on point. Her characters feel alive and like persons you might know personally. Definitely I will go on with reading her other 2 books (she publishes one book in 10 years, take that, age of quick consumption), and look forward to possible new book.

• Started The body keeps the score by Bessel van der Kolk which I bought in the airport of Dalaman on my way to Moscow. I adore airport bookstores, they absolutely always have a few unexpected book choices among bestsellers and junk read. This time it was a book on trauma and how trauma works and how it might be approached. 1/6 or even maybe 1/5 of the book is the list of sources and quotations, that’s what I call a trustworthy material. I love how the author bluntly tells the story of mistakes and discoveries while working with PTSD and Viet vets, which reads pretty fresh because of course I think of all the people who are at the war zones now and what will happen when they get civilian life back.

Watching and listening:

• Forever amazing and thoughtful Gabor Mate brings us into further talk about influence of trauma. I really look forward to reading his books, for now I enjoy his interviews and lections.

Dr. Gabor Maté On How Trauma Fuels Disease

• A friend of mine introduced me to Derek Sivers ideas and life views, I was charmed and excited. At first I thought that this person was new to me, but then I realized the Austin Kleon promoted Derek’s idea of now-page at a person’s website. Which works as a more accurate description of what a person deals with at the moment. I remembered that I used to have a page like that but then removed it. Don’t really remember why. I brought this page back by the way.

Here is a long interview with Tim Ferris.

And here you will find his visit to All the Hacks podcast where he talks some profound things about journaling and parenting among other things.